imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
