You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
