im six kinds of drunk right now
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
