How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
