M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
