Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
