my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
