Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
