I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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