I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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