i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
