drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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