I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
