You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
