i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
