the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
