even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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