I can't watch pbs sober anymore
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
