I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
