my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
