was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just googled if crying burns calories
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
