Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
