why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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