i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
