The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
