My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
the night ended with taco bell and tears
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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