he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
