the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
