My girlfriend figured out who you are.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
