he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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