WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
