Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
