I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
