I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
