I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
