yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
