hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
