onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
