Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
