I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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