another moral hangover. fuck.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
