i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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