The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
