Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Randomize
