I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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