she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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