i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
