hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
