He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
