I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
