I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
